Choosing a Mistress

Choosing a Mistress at Salon Kitty's

I am prompted to write this section because over the years I have been asked so many times by clients "How do I choose a Mistress or submissive?" - "Which lady is the best person for my session?" On the face of it these are perfectly reasonable questions.

Age

Clients will often request a very young Mistress for a complex intense scenario demanding she take total control. They would like her to be fully experienced in all aspects of the heavier side of BDSM. She is expected to be intelligent and articulate, very confident, possessing the strength of character, maturity and personality to lead them into their particular fantasy. It is a lot to ask of someone who has not had life's experiences to expect her to be able to take control of someone who is twice her age!

It is understandable that men are attracted to very young women but in reality they are not always capable of giving what is expected of them, either as Mistresses or submissives. If you think about it, how could they be? With just a few years experience and natural maturity most women who have an interest in BDSM become excellent Dominants and submissives, with a wealth of knowledge. This comes with exposure and experience.

Mistresses are rarely at the height of their talents before the age of 24, and most Mistresses continue to develop their abilities well into their 30's.

Some types of scenarios, however, are not demanding and may be taken on by an apprentice with an appropriate amount of training.

Looks

Naturally looks play an important part in what attracts you to a particular lady. However, I would like to stress that looks alone should not dictate your choice of Mistress/submissive.

Speaking as a 'madame', rather than as a Mistress, the best Mistresses are the ones who have the biggest personal following. From a purely business point of view I can honestly say it is not the youngest, or necessarily the prettiest ladies who have the most clientele.

I have seen clients choose the wrong person for their fantasy because she was young, had blonde hair, large breasts, long legs, or was exceptionally pretty, etc., and then be sadly disappointed. Clients have often said to me that pretty Mistresses think that all they have to do is stand around and look pretty. Pretty Mistresses can be bad for business and for the rest of the team who work at Salon Kitty's unless they also have the intuition and talent required. Physical attraction is one aspect, personality and ability are another. New clients, trying BDSM for the first time can be bitterly disappointed after choosing on a physical feature and finding that the Mistress does not suit their needs.

Lest you think that Mistresses must be unattractive or old, please check the photographs in our Mistresses and Submissives section. These are all genuine photographs of the Mistresses or submissives listed. I only wish to stress the danger of using good looks as the only, or even the most important criterion.

I often receive requests for the most attractive. I hate to relate the old cliche: "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", but in this case it is true. No one else can see through your eyes.

Physical attributes

Many fantasies involve one particular physical attribute. For example, large breasts, red hair, tall, short, etc. Clearly if your desire is to carry out breast bondage, you will not be happy with a lady who has tiny breasts. If you had a child hood experience with a Headmistress at school that you wish to relive, you will not want to carry it out with a 19 year old apprentice. It is important that you identify special attributes that are crucial to your needs and let us know about them.

Don't confuse this with a vague ideas such as 'blondes are attractive'. Once the session begins, these types of attributes mostly cease to matter.

On the other hand, if you are reliving an experience where blonde hair, black hair etc. was the specific aphrodisiac, then you need to make sure that you choose accordingly. Ask yourself whether it really matters. Other issues, such as personality may be far more important.

Clothing

Most professional Mistresses have a range of fetish clothing and shoes, and professional houses such as Salon Kitty's have several wardrobes loaded with clothing. If clothing is an issue in choosing a Mistress, you are probably talking to the wrong Mistress.

You should let a Mistress know well in advance if you have a particular requirement for clothing. It would be just your luck to turn up on the day she sent that special item to the dry cleaners.

Technique

The majority of ladies who conduct sessions at Salon Kitty's "switch". For those of you who do not understand this term it means the lady is capable of taking a dominant and submissive role. To decide not to see a lady because she takes both roles is a big mistake. It is my policy at Salon Kitty's for the ladies to at least understand how it is to be submissive. The best way is through personal experience. I have found the most popular Mistresses are those who take both roles, because they are the ones who understand at first hand how you feel. It is unwise to see a Mistress purely because she only does dominant sessions or equally to see a submissive because she is only submissive. It is not a guarantee you are going to receive a more satisfying session and it certainly does not mean the lady is more genuinely dominant or submissive than any of her counterparts. Speaking from personal experience I find I usually conduct my best sessions when I have a good balance of both dominant and submissive appointments.

There are many areas of BDSM where technique is important or even essential. Most Mistresses can wield a cane or a strap, and do basic bondage or sexual erotic tease. Our apprentice Mistresses are not allowed to do sessions solo until they can satisfy the senior Mistresses in a number of these basic areas.

If you are interested in esoteric areas such as piercing, stitching, scarification, 'medical', branding or extreme torture, it is paramount that you declare this when making your appointment. In a responsible house such as ours only those with direct experience in these areas are permitted to carry them out.

If you are desperate to have an 18 year old blonde with DD breasts carrying out your heavy piercing session, the best we will allow is to have her present and assisting while an experienced Mistress carries it out.

Personality

Ladies who have a genuine keen interest, are versatile and responsive and intuitive, with bright warm personalities, are the people who gain a consistent following. Ladies with these traits and who are also attractive offer exceptional sessions and deservedly develop a devoted regular clientele.

The chemistry that goes to make up a good BDSM relationship can be as complex as that which occurs in outside relationships and as impossible to predict. The great advantage is that you only have to 'get on' for one or two hours, and you are saved from the petty things that make life relationships difficult.

When you speak to a Mistress (or submissive) in person, both of you feel each other out and develop a rapport. Some clients and Mistresses hit it off immediately, some do so despite an uneasy beginning, and others never do.

If you speak to a Mistress or submissive and cannot feel at ease with her, it is probably better that you meet someone else. It is difficult to recover a situation that gets off to a bad beginning.

The Mistress's Feelings

Mistresses and submissives are human. Many clients treat us like items in a supermarket. This does nothing for the state of mind of a woman who will be expected to spend an hour or two delving into the nether reaches of the client's mind and body.

A Mistress or submissive does not expect any more than good manners. If you expect a good session, you must remember that it is impossible to carry it out with someone who has just treated you like shit. At Salon Kitty's, ill mannered clients are asked to leave. We consider it unethical to attempt a session with a client who is objectionable to the point that we cannot give of our best. The ladies at Salon Kitty's consider there own self respect more important than any money they might earn.

If you have a particular fetish or fantasy which requires very intimate sexual contact, please don't say "I don't care who I see". You will not receive a favourable approach from any woman who feels that you just want a body and any body will do. It is important to us that you are selective, as our self esteem is important to us. If you don't care what type of woman you see, it is difficult for us to take you or your session personally.

What Happens at Salon Kitty's

There is nothing like personal contact. Your time in the waiting room in a relaxed atmosphere is when you are able to sit back and chat to a lady. This gives you the opportunity to detect a certain chemistry, or maybe a feeling of confidence, comfort or compatibility, all of which should assist you in deciding which lady is best for you personally. There is never any obligation to stay. As long as you are serious we have no problem with you coming back on several occasions to meet different ladies. We are not into processing people through the door. It is more important to us you choose the right lady for your session than the time you take in the waiting room.

You will be introduced to any Ladies who are available who have an interest in your type of session. Not all ladies carry out all sessions, so it is helpful if you are broadly descriptive of what you want to do from the beginning.

Choosing a Non-Professional Mistress or submissive

We all know how hard it can be to find someone who you really feel good about as a partner. How much harder it is to find someone from the much smaller population of women interested in BDSM!

I am often asked where to find a 'real life' Mistress. I do not have an answer. There is a very small proportion of women who are genuinely into BDSM and of those, many find their way into the professional scene. It's a matter of supply and demand.

I would also like to stress that it is impossible to work as professional Dominatrix or submissive unless you have a real life interest in the scene. We take offence when a client says "oh, I'd like to see someone who is really genuine". As far as I am concerned you can't be much more genuine than ladies who choose to make a career out of BDSM. Those who dabble from time to time in non commercial situations are no more genuine or interested than we are. In fact I believe it is the other way round.

I have met some partners who live what is called a 24/7 BDSM life, but it is rare and I don't believe there is a formula to achieve it. Many of these have been the result of Ladies meeting a client that they have fallen in love with.

You could try the internet or some of the clubs that exist for BDSM enthusiasts or you could advertise in newspapers. The bias of men to women will become immediately obvious, but you might be lucky. The suggestions I have offered for choosing a professional Mistress or submissive will still apply.

In Conclusion.

It is important to remember fantasy and reality don't always work the way we would like. Do try to be realistic when choosing a BDSM partner.

Fantasies are as varied as we are individuals. At Salon Kitty's we have the largest group of women in the country with the looks, talents and skills to indulge you in any style of BDSM session or fantasy. Speaking as one of those ladies it is up to you to be honest and direct with us so as we can guarantee each experience you have at Salon Kitty's is one worth remembering and cherishing.